Dear Aaron Read online

  -A

  P.S. What’s “girls like you” supposed to mean?

  P.P.S. I feel zero remorse for guilt tripping you.

  P.P.S. You never told me about your sister’s skating competitions. Did she make it to the finals?

  From: [email protected]

  Date: December 20, 2008 2:17 p.m.

  To: [email protected]

  Subject: Thank you

  Ruby,

  I just got your next box. I thought you were only sending books? :] Little liar. I’m going to make a pizza tonight and go through what you sent. The guy in the bunk above mine was already trying to look through them and choose one. I told him he could wait until I read them first. Can’t trust anybody here.

  The candy, socks, and mac and cheese packets are great too.

  I appreciate it.

  -Aaron

  From: [email protected]

  Date: December 21, 2008 2:55 a.m.

  To: [email protected]

  Subject: You’re welcome

  Aaron,

  Liar, liar, pants on fire. That’s me. I’m glad your box made it! Do the socks fit? I’m not sure how tall you are. I tried looking you up on Myspace to get an idea, but I couldn’t find you.

  ^^^ I just realized that makes me sound like a stalker, but my intentions were good. I wasn’t going to try and friend you or anything.

  I know you didn’t mean anything by the comments about my mom or sister. :) My brother is in a relationship. He met his boyfriend about three years ago, and they’ve been together for the last two. He’s great. He’s so hot and funny and friendly, my sister and I are both a little in love with him. Actually, I think everyone in the family is in love with him. It annoys my brother to no end. The marine thing… he just didn’t tell anyone he’s gay. I think it was really hard for him to pretend to be something he knew he wasn’t since he had for so long, but… he did it. He’d always wanted to go into the service even if it meant having to lie. (There we go with liars again.) He worried about how accepting people would be toward him if they knew.

  You have no idea how bad my mom is. You should have seen her when we were kids and anyone would say or do anything remotely unpleasant about us or to us. She could call us ungrateful, lazy, dumb brats, but if a teacher said we needed extra help, you’d figure we were geniuses by how offended she got. No one can talk shit about her kids but her.

  I have my own list for you:

  You can trust Aries too. :P (Why can you only trust some of your friends?)

  Try sitting on a toilet seat that’s been peed on and tell me it isn’t a big deal for the pee-ee (person guilty of peeing) to not be conscious about it.

  Maybe we all lie, but there’s a difference between a white lie and a being-an-asshole lie. Think about that.

  Your first girlfriend was that girlfriend. I see. My two best friends each had boyfriends in high school and those guys all cheated on them. Now that I think about it, every relationship I know of in high school had that happen, not that it was always the guy who did it. I think that’s just the norm. We all have to grow up. Have you ever cheated on anyone?

  That person I was goo goo gaa gaa over is a nice guy. Honestly. I don’t have love glasses on. You’re right though, maybe he could have handled the situation differently, but then again, so could I. I could have accepted he didn’t like me a long time ago and not… forced myself on him. “Every idea I have of where I’ve met women wouldn’t work for you,” oh brother. Going to try not to judge, but it’s hard. Lol. I already told you I know meeting people at a bar or a club is a bad idea, sensei.

  “Every relationship turns into a bad one unless you find somebody to stay married to you for the rest of your life.” That’s an interesting way of looking at the truth. :)

  Send me a picture of the puppy if you have a camera! If not, it’s not a problem. I’m attaching a picture of Sylvester, my ferret, in exchange.

  Also, my sister (Jasmine) didn’t do so well at her competition. That’s why I never brought it up. After her short program, she placed third, which wasn’t so bad. She got sick the night before and was really weak. In her free skate, the nerves got to her and she fell twice. She came in sixth. No one in my family is bringing it up. Can you tell it’s a sore subject?

  -Ruby

  P.S. Girls like me. That sounds worse than it is. I’m not “sexy” or really confident or even really funny. I like doing dorky things, and I’m okay with all that. Most guys want someone who has a big rack or a big butt, or at least think or act like they do, or they like funny, outgoing girls. I’m not any of those. It is what it is. I’m just Ruby.

  From: [email protected]

  Date: December 24, 2008 1:01 p.m.

  To: [email protected]

  Subject: RE: You’re welcome

  Ruby,

  First off, Merry Christmas, crazy stalker girl.

  Second, the socks did fit. I was relieved you bought XL ones instead of going down a size. For future reference… and not that you need to buy me anything again… I wear a size 12 in shoes. I’m six foot two.

  I cancelled my Myspace account a while back, but if you’d friended me, I would have accepted it.

  So you know… I read The Alchemist since I wrote you last. I’m sure you wouldn’t mind, but I let a friend of mine borrow it already. I started that Darkness something book you sent last night… the title is long and I can’t think of it. At the rate I’m going, I’ll be done with all the books you sent in two weeks.

  Where did your brother and his bf meet? I don’t know how he managed to keep it a secret for that long, but it had to be tough. Can’t say I blame him though. There’s an equal amount who would and wouldn’t care.

  Does your mom boss everyone around? Even her husband?

  There is a difference between a white lie and a being-an-asshole lie. I’ll give you that. And I can only trust some of my friends because once somebody screws you over once, there’s always the chance they’ll do it again.

  Talking about lies, I’ll tell you I wanted to be an asshole and lie to you, but I’ll tell you the truth. When I was younger… and dumber… I cheated on a couple of girlfriends. It’s been at least ten years since then. I’m not that same person. I was a teenager.

  I don’t think I’ll ever believe you about that guy being “nice,” but whatever floats your boat, Rube. I’ll judge silently… and out of our judge-free zone. Just saying, I still think if he’d really cared about you, he would have said something to let you move on.

  What? It’s the truth. Most bad decisions involve bars. Take it from me. I’m glad you know that. I’ve picked up women at them before… and parties. Don’t do that. Don’t trust anyone who would do that to you either.

  All right maybe that was dark, but half of marriages end in divorce. At least a girlfriend can’t take half your money and kids.

  ^^^ Just because I’ve had a shit streak doesn’t mean you will.

  Sylvester is cute. He’s browner than I figured he’d be.

  Here’s a picture of the puppy. I don’t have a camera, but a PFC… private first class… with me has one. The pup’s already gained some weight since we found her... it was a her, not a him like we thought. We named her Ax.

  That blows about your sister. Is she bummed?

  Merry Christmas again. Tell me how it goes with the fam and if you got “special” brownies.

  -Aaron

  From: [email protected]

  Date: December 25, 2008 5:05 a.m.

  To: [email protected]

  Subject: Happy Birthday to Jesus

  Merry Christmas, soldier boy. :)

  I’m glad I did go with the XL ones. Something told me you weren’t short. I could only hope my sixth sense was right. Worst case, I figured it would be better for them to be too big than too small.

  Why did you cancel your Myspace account? I hardly ever get on mine anymore, but I have it. Now I usually just get on Facebook.

>   What did you think about The Alchemist? I hope you love The Left Hand of Darkness. It gave me a giant hangover. I’ll have to send you more books in the future. And you’re right, I couldn’t care less that you share them. They’re yours. Spread the goodness.

  Depending on the secret, I usually can’t keep one for longer than a day before I have to tell someone. It depends. I agree though, how he managed to not let it slip is beyond me. He and his boyfriend met at a bar one night. They’re probably the only relationship I know of that started that way and they’ve managed to last. I think it helps that his boyfriend is ten years older. He’s got his life together and doesn’t let my brother get away with his usual crap, AKA blowing up over things and then not wanting to talk about them.

  My mom is super bossy. I think her husband likes it though. Let me go throw up in my mouth now. Lol.

  I don’t want to be a hypocrite, I told another lie today. Jasmine, my little sister, asked if I could see through her dress and I told her no. But I could see her underwear right through it. That’s what she gets for the pepper incident a few months ago. Remember I told you about that? No regrets.

  Wait a second. I feel like maybe I’m missing something here. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, but what has someone done to you in the past to make you not trust them, and why are you still friends with them even after that?

  That sucks you cheated on your exes, but at least you’ve come to terms with it and don’t do it anymore, I guess. You aren’t the only one judging silently. (Kidding.)

  I’m not trying to convince you the guy I liked is nice at this point, because you aren’t going to believe me, but… he did used to help me with my homework. He did it for me a couple of times. I’m trying not to think about him anymore. I really do want to move on.

  Regarding where to not pick up guys (bars and parties): I’m going to die alone. Great. Thank you.

  I guess you do have a point about half of marriages ending in divorce, but… you know my mom is on marriage #4. #2 was a bad divorce, emotionally for her at least, but #3 was pretty amicable. Even knowing all that, I hope one day I can still find someone to be in a long-term relationship with me. I know I’m the last person to tell anyone to take a chance, but you never know unless you try, right?

  I love Ax! Why that name though? Does she sleep in the tent with you guys? She looks like a mix of a lab and an Akita, even though her coat is blonder. You can tell by her smile she’s sweet as cherry pie.

  Was my sister bummed about not moving on? She invited me to go to Golden Corral (a buffet, in case they don’t have those where you’ve lived) with her, and we went for donuts afterward. This probably doesn’t mean anything to you, but if you knew her, you would know she has the discipline of a samurai when it comes to her training and diet. Once, a cousin offered her one hundred dollars if she’d eat a slice of cake and she said no. It’s safe to say we’re all worried about her. You’ve never met a sore loser on the scale of Jazz.

  We’re meeting for Christmas in a little bit. I still have gifts to wrap. :) Wish me luck.

  Merry Christmas again, Aaron the Not-Asswipe.

  -Ruby

  From: [email protected]

  Date: December 28, 2008 2:59 p.m.

  To: [email protected]

  Subject: RE: Happy Birthday Jesus

  Ruby,

  Why would you think I wasn’t short?

  I’ve heard of Facebook but don’t have one. Maybe when I get back, I’ll look into it. I canceled my Myspace because anyone I really want to keep in touch with can just e-mail me…. Also, my ex got jealous over the girls I was friends with… not that there were a lot… and I got tired of hearing about it. Seemed easier just to cancel it than fight all the time.

  I spoke too soon: I haven’t gotten too far in The Left Hand of Darkness. We’ve had some long days lately, and by the time I get back to my tent, all I want to do is sleep while I can. I’ll let you know how it goes once I’m done. The Alchemist really got me thinking about choices and where they’ll lead you. I’m planning on reading it again.

  I’ve never heard of a relationship between two people meeting at a bar working out either. Usually those are just hookups.

  You gave me a mental picture I shouldn’t be having about a fifty-something-year-old woman whose daughter is my friend. Thanks.

  I can’t believe you let your sister walk around with her underwear for everybody to see. That’s shady… but I like it. :] Remind me never to prank you.

  I’m still friends with people who have done me wrong because I know they’re sorry. Doesn’t mean I have to trust them as much as I used to.

  Telling you about what a douche I was made me stay up thinking about it. I’m tempted to reach out to my exes and apologize for being a prick. What do you think? I’m really not that person anymore.

  He did your homework for you but still led you on. Not convinced. Seems like he felt guilty. He sounds like a dick.

  I laughed out loud at your “I’m going to die alone.” You aren’t going to die alone. What if you went to church and found someone there?

  I get where you’re coming from with your whole “you don’t know unless you try thing,” but I guess I’ve always known that if I ever got lonely once I’m out of the army, I’d just get a dog. I’ve seen what a divorce will do to a person and I don’t really ever want to put myself into that position.

  It was the birthday of one of my soldiers, so we let him choose the pup’s name. That was the best he came up with. I didn’t realize how much you get from a dog until lately… how much joy they give you. The unconditional love… you can’t get it from anywhere. Overall, everyone’s mood has improved since Ax showed up. I’m not exaggerating. We still haven’t gotten all the fleas off her, but I’m sure when we do, she’ll be napping on someone’s cot.

  We didn’t do much here for Christmas. Some guys hung up Christmas lights a few weeks ago, but that’s all. My commanding officer gave some of us each a cigar. I’ll be saving mine for a special day.

  I didn’t think about how strict her diet has to be. Hope she gets back on her feet. Nobody wins all the time.

  They just let me know I can take my midtour leave in February. I’m heading to Louisiana for two weeks to see my family and friends. I miss plumbing.

  In case I don’t message you before, happy New Year.

  -Aaron

  From: [email protected]

  Date: December 29, 2008 3:05 a.m.

  To: [email protected]

  Subject: Hi

  I just had this feeling that you weren’t short. I don’t know how to explain it.

  There aren’t that many people on Facebook, so you aren’t missing out on anything. When I first signed up, it was only for college kids.

  I hope you love Darkness. It’s one of my favorite books of all time.

  Every bad decision my friends have made has been with guys they met at bars. If I wanted to make a bad decision, I’d go to the grocery store on an empty stomach.

  You had a mental picture of my mom? Now I have a mental picture again. Let me go throw up one more time, thank you.

  I’m a lot of things, but I take my pranks seriously. :)

  I’ll drop the questions about untrustworthy friends for now but I will tell you that I’m a very trustworthy person. I’ve never done anything mean or bad to my friends before. :)

  I’m not judging you too bad for being a cheater when you were younger. Contact them if you want, or don’t. If you hadn’t changed, I’d tell you to do it, but it’s up to you. I don’t know what to tell you. This goes beyond my expertise.

  Listen to me. Trust me. It was my fault for how things worked out between me and that guy.

  Meet a guy at church? Did you really suggest that?

  I can’t fault your logic with getting a dog if you get lonely. When has a dog ever broken someone’s heart? But… never mind. I’m not going to try and tell you, you should get married one day if you
don’t want to. You know what you’re doing and what you want. I have a single aunt who’s supposedly never been in a relationship and her life is awesome. Like you said, half of marriages end in divorce. I know how bad my mom’s taken some of hers. It sucks. Do whatever makes you happy. You can love someone and not marry them. It’s the same thing. At least it should be.

  Dogs really are the best. One day I’ll have one. My mom is allergic. I’m glad all you guys are being cheery with Ax around. It would take forever but I could send you flea shampoo. Tell me.

  Do you smoke?

  Christmas was great. Luckily in the custody paperwork, my niece’s mom is the one who gets to spend Christmas with her every year so she didn’t witness our show. No pot brownies, but my older sister made jello shots, which then led to the liquor cabinet getting opened and we all got hammered, even my little sister. Everyone had to spend the night. I woke up passed out on the recliner and there were people on the floor and the couch. I found my brother asleep on the stairs. Attaching a picture because it’s too funny not to share.